London 13/07/1990 Friday

London 13/07/1990 Friday

13/07/1990

I can’t find a pen anywhere, so I’ll use this pencil instead…

Hum, where to start… On Saturday I went to Seven Sisters with 2 bags full of clothes. I got there at 5 and there was no one in the Brazilian squat. I went to the 14th floor (Felipe and Wagner opened a squat there), also no one home. I went to Patrick’s flat. No one in either.

Because Patrick had called me earlier saying we should meet at the Queen’s Head I decided to go there. I hid my bags in the light box on the 9th floor and went. Except I said I’d be there at 8, if I went, as I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing yet. It was only six in the afternoon when I go there.

I sat on the outside, drinking wine and whisky and watching life go by. Then I watched some football (England vs Italy) and it was 8:30. No Patrick. So I left. But I got on the wrong bus! Had to walk for half an hour to get back to Seven Sisters.

When I got back Robinson was home so I rescued my bags and put them in Gustavo’s room. Robinson kept bugging me, asking me to lie down with him, so I left and went looking for Patrick. He was in his room on his own. I was a bit annoyed because so far my Saturday hadn’t gone so well. I asked Patrick why he wasn’t at the Queen’s Head. He said he’d been there at 4. He ignored me, so I got up and left. He turned up ½ hour later. And then we talked for ages, I told him about my day and he comforted me.

On Sunday we were on our way to a jazz concert in Elephant & Castle, but on the way there was a gas leak at King’s Cross, we had to run out of the station, it was scary. The sun was shining and we sat outside the station watching the firemen and the police do their thing. The area was full of people, and we watched for ½ an hour. After that we went swimming in Highbury. The pool closed at 5:30 so we went to the fields and took a nap. Around 7 we bought lots of things to eat: crisps, hummus, apple pie, juice, soft cheese, coleslaw, chocolate, cottage cheese, bread. And we had a picnic in Highbury fields.

Then it was time to watch the world cup final. It took ½ an hour and two buses to find a pub showing the match. The final was shit and I was in agony because of all the stuff I ate, my stomach was hurting me. Another attack… The match finished, Germany won, and I felt better. After a healthy day, a sunny day, free of drugs, we went to the brazilian squat to watch Gremlins and smoke. Then we went to his bedroom and smoke more. Then I got into some weird paranoid state. I don’t even remember if we had sex or not. I was talking a lot of crap to try and provoke him, I was sort of joking but also serious. Eventually he just hugged me and everything was fine. Sometimes I’m too sensitive…

On Monday we woke up at 6. I don’t like staying at his when he has work, he wake up so tired, and start thinking how bad we have it. Well, at least he has a decent job, a career. I just work as a waitress…

On Tuesday Patrick came here and asked me to cut his hair. I didn’t want to as I liked his hair longer, as it was, but he insisted. It’s too short and horrible. I felt sorry for him and mad at myself. He didn’t seem bothered at all though. My mum arrived and literally kicked him out! He hates my mum now.

Wednesday was very sunny and I sunbathed in the park after work. In the evening I went to capoeira with Patrick. After class we came to my house and I lent him some money and went to stay at his place. It was great fun… I was talking to one of Patrick’s friends who went back to Ireland yesterday.

Then, in bed, Patrick said he really liked it when the two of us were together in his bedroom and we had an amazing time! He went to work the next day and I stayed in bed sleeping a bit longer. Woke up at 8:30 and ran to catch the tube, but Seven Sisters station was closed… I went to the bus stop but the buses were too full and not stopping. I phoned Pearl, explaining the situation, saying I was making my way there, but she just put the phone down on me. It was a beautiful day, so I thought “to hell with work” and went back to the brazilian squat.

I stayed there until 1 with Wagner and Robinson having fun. Sandra was going to Amsterdam and I went to the bank with her. I bought a dress and five blank tapes. We walked for about 2 hours non-stop and went to the park. I fell asleep in the park. We played some capoeira. We returned to the flats at 6 and Sandra went out. I stayed with Wagner, Felipe and Robinson, smoking. At 8 I went out to buy cigarettes and Patrick was outside the pub. He shouted me but I didn’t see it was him (so blind!!!) until I got really near him! He’d been working until seven and has to work on Sunday too. He was outraged that I hadn’t gone to work today and he thinks I’ll probably lose my job. I stayed with him for 20 minutes until all the Irish arrived. I said bye and went back to the squat, didn’t arrange to see him later or anything.

I was with Denise, Wagner, Felipe, Robinson and Sandra, who’d come back from dinner. We talked so much, for ages… The Irish just seem to put the music on really loud, talk for 10 minutes and that’s that. I fell asleep at 11, no sign of Patrick. I felt abandoned, not just by him but by the whole world. I wasn’t mad at him, better not to have another day of waking up at six and having to watch him go.

I walked to work the next day. When I got there Pearl’s husband had returned from holiday. No one asked me anything. They just said ‘good morning’, and me just waiting to be fired. After a while I said I had moved to Seven Sisters (which I have in a way). Pearl said she wanted to fire me, but her husband convinced her to give me one final chance. I was so happy!

After work I washed some clothes and then went sunbathing. Got home at 6. Spent the whole evening arguing with my mum. I can’t take this anymore, we can’t seem to agree on anything. Just now at 10:30 Patrick phoned me, full of beans, asking me to go out tonight. I had to pass, all the arguing has taken it out of me, and I’m tired. He wasn’t very happy and I so wanted to be with him, but I have no energy.

Ah, I’m getting a nice tan!

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